


New Beginnings

by daredeviltrash



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), everyone lives nobody leaves au, mentions of nat bucky sharon and spidey (you choose which one), sam and steve can be engaged as a treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daredeviltrash/pseuds/daredeviltrash
Summary: Sam and Steve have a discussion about what it means to be Captain America (while being grossly cute inbetween)
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to @sadieb798 for the beta!

The first thing Sam wakes up to in the morning is the sound of the birds chirping excitedly outside of his bedroom. 

The second thing is the feeling of Steve's strong, protective arms around his slender frame. Holding tightly, almost as if he's afraid to let go. Normally, Sam would lay in bed like this comforted by Steve's body heat until he woke up, but not today. Today he planned to call his mom after not speaking to her for five years. The years where he, and half of the universe, were wiped out of existence due to Thanos' snap - Sam doesn't like to think of it, honestly. 

Five years of his life  _ gone _ . 

He missed his nephew's high school graduation, numerous birthday parties from family members and friends. But what he missed the most was his mom's cooking: the way she would just throw everything into a pot with no measurements, and how it always tasted like heaven was enough to bring tears to Sam's eyes. He smiled at the thought and very carefully tried to grab his phone charging on the nightstand, trying not to disturb Steve's cute snores. 

He unlocked the device and quickly scrolled to his mom's number. He hit the call button and waited patiently for her response. A tone. Two. Then three.  _ She's probably busy, _ Sam thought to himself as he checked the time. 9:00 AM.  _ She's probably making breakfast. _

No answer. Sighing, he plugged his phone back into the charger.  _ I'll call later. _

Sam silently tried to snuggle himself out of Steve's embrace when the snoring stopped.

"You okay?" Steve asked in a sleepy voice. His soft blue eyes open.

"Yeah. Just gonna go for a jog," Sam replied as he started to stroke Steve's golden hair.

Steve leaned into the touch with a small smile. "You want me to come with you?" 

Sam snorted."I would prefer not to be lapped 20 times in a row, Rogers."

Steve's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He held out his left hand and joined it with Sam's. Gold bands adorned the ring fingers of both hands and caught the light.

"It's Rogers- _ Wilson," _ Steve said, cockiness oozing out of his voice.

Sam smiled and kissed his forehead.

"Not yet, cowboy. Gotta wait until we actually get married first."

"Yes, sir, Captain!" Steve added with a mock salute.

Sam smirked and rolled out of bed. "Get some rest, I'll be back."

Sam doesn't get panic attacks as often as he used to. 

Back when he was discharged from the Air Force all those years ago, it was an every other day thing and he never knew what caused it. He would just be cooking a depression meal in the kitchen, or watching TV when it would happen. His heart rate would increase, his hands would get sweaty, he felt like he couldn't breathe. 

After deciding to go to therapy on his sister's insistence, he figured it out. His therapist, Dr. Lee, would say that something would trigger the anxiety attacks. Sometimes, it's something he'll see or hear on the tv, or in the news. Other times, it's something his brain will think of just out of the blue. He'll remember something traumatic and it'll start. And sometimes, it's just because he's plain old worried about something like how he's gonna make it to the next day, or if he runs out of food before he has a chance to go to the store. With the use of medication and coping mechanisms, Sam had it under control. 

But today, he had one while jogging. 

He was going around the Washington monument when he saw it: the American flag waving in the wind on a flagpole. His heart rate was already high due to the exercise, but he felt it increasing higher and higher and he couldn't breathe right. He walked over to the nearest bench and took a chug of his water bottle.

_ 478 _ . Sam thought to himself.  _ 478 _ . He breathed in for 4 seconds, held it for 7 seconds, and let out the air for 8 seconds. It was a small trick Dr. Lee taught him years ago.  _ 478 _ . He repeated again trying to control his breathing and get his heart rate down.  _ 478 _ . Deep breaths in and out as Sam tried to not lose it in the middle of the park.

After a couple minutes of breathing and some swigs of water, his heart rate came back down to normal. Just as he was about to continue his jog, his phone started to ring. 

_ Probably Steve worrying about where I am _ . He instantly hit the green button and held the phone up to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Sammy?" An elderly woman's voice answered.

Sam's face lit up with glee.

"Hey mom…"

  
  


When Sam entered his home, he was immediately wrapped into a warm hug by Steve. The other man smelled like cocoa butter and spearmint.

"Have you been using my lotion and soap?"

".... Maybe," Steve answered, an edge of denial in his voice.

"Steve…" Sam warned.

"I thought you wouldn't mind! I started to get worried about you - you've been gone for two hours…" 

Sam noticed Steve looked downward when he pulled away.

"Steve, I'm fine. My mom just called."

Steve's eyes flicked up and widened. Sam knew he loved his mom to bits, almost as if she were his own mom.

"How is she doing? Is she okay? Does she need anything? Because we can make a small trip to Harlem if she wants…"

Sam chuckled and wrapped his arms around Steve's waist from the front. "She's okay, babe... Y’know sometimes I think you love her more than me."

Steve’s eyes looked off to the side, thoughtfully.

"Well… she  _ is  _ a better cook than you."

"Steve Rogers, you little shit."

"But I'm yours," Steve added with a quick peck on the lips.

Sam hummed in agreement. Steve's nose twisted up in disgust.

"Also, you stink. What did you do run into, a sewer??"

Sam walked away flipping Steve the bird.

The other man giggled before shouting:

"Hey, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Surprise me!" Sam responded as he headed for the bathroom. The sound of water hitting the tub filled the silence of the empty house.

"Just don't burn the place down!" He added.

_ "Heaven, I'm in heaven…" _ Steve sang silently to himself as he chopped up some tomatoes.

_ "And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak…" _ Sam continued as he snuck up behind Steve and wrapped his arms around him.

Sam kissed his fiance's cheek as he moved their bodies side to side together with the rhythm of the music.

"Omelettes, huh?" Sam asked.

Steve shrugged his shoulders.

"You said you wanted a surprise."

"Yeah, I did."

The sound of cooking and Ella Fitzgerald filled the room as Steve finished cooking and plated their foods.

Steve looked with anticipation as Sam tasted the food he cooked.

"Good?"

Sam nodded as he continued eating.

"So.. My mom wants us to come over. To catch up on what's happened these past few years."

"Oh?" Steve took a sip of orange juice.

“It  _ has _ been five years, y’know? She misses her family…”

"Did you tell her about us? Or about the fact that her son is gonna be the new Captain America?" Steve added gleefully.

Sam set down his fork and sighed. "That's the problem, Steve."

Steve's eyes widened in shock. He took the nearby remote and shut off the music.

"You don't want to get married?" Sorrow filled his voice.

"What? No! Baby, we're joined at the soul. Of  _ course _ , I wanna marry you!"

Steve took Sam's hand across the table and squeezed it in comfort.

He looked his fiance square in the eye. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Sam's eyes drifted a little to the left where he saw the vibranium red, white, and blue shield hanging on the wall. He looked back to see his lover's blue eyes staring back at him in worry.

"Something happened on my jog this morning…"

Steve started to rub Sam's thumb for encouragement.

"I, uh, I had a panic attack."

"Sammy…" Steve whispered.

"But the reason for it is stupid." He added with a light but sad laugh.

“Nothing that makes you have a panic attack could be stupid,” Steve says. 

Sam sighed and looked down at his nearly empty plate of food. Removing his hand from Steve's grasp, he began to twiddle his thumbs, a small habit he picked up from a cousin.

"I saw the flag. Y'know the one on the corner by the fountain? And I don't know, it just happened."

"It's about the shield, isn't it?" He heard Steve respond.

Sam slowly nodded his head.

Silence filled the kitchen area as the couple finished their breakfast, mulling their thoughts over.

"Do you know why I chose you?" Steve finally asked.

"Because you think I'd look hot in the suit?" Sam joked.

Steve snickered.

"No. I mean  _ obviously  _ you'd look good in the suit, you look good in anything really.."

"But?" Sam asked with a quirked eyebrow. He knew Steve was gonna get off topic by complimenting him.

"But… That's not it. I chose you because no one else fits the bill."

"Really? Because Bucky has the same powers and abilities as you. Nat and Sharon are both trained spies and secret agents. Hell, the Spider-Kid can get the job done better than I can."

Steve sighed. He cleared the table of all the dishes and put them in the sink. He cleaned his hands and walked back to where Sam was sitting. He pulled up a chair and sat backwards in it, facing his lover.

"Do you remember when we first met? It was under that oak tree by the monument."

"And you wore that really tight shirt to show off your body?" Sam interrupted with a smirk.

"It was Nat's idea. But anyways you told me that after you got discharged you became a counselor at the VA to help other veterans with their trauma."

Sam shrugged his shoulders. 

"And?"

"And do you remember the first time you introduced me to your parents? We were in Harlem in the neighborhood you grew up in. And we were walking down the street and people came rushing up to us. At first I thought it was because we were both Avengers, but then that kid came - what was her name? She had curly hair and was missing a tooth?"

"Shirley?"

"Right, Shirley. She was so excited to see you. She ran up and hugged you like you were a long lost friend. And she thanked you for helping her mom find a place to stay. And it wasn't just her, so many other people came up to you to show their thanks."

"What's your point?"

"My point, Sam, is that you're a good man. When Erskine gave me the formula, he said that he wanted me to stay who I was.

“'Not a perfect soldier but a good man’,” He added in a terrible German accent.

Sam instantly burst out into laughter.

"What accent was  _ that  _ supposed to be?" He asked between breaths.

"It was  _ obviously  _ German," Steve defended himself, a huge smile appearing on his face.

"But seriously - " Steve added while waiting for Sam to calm down.

"I chose you because you're one of the most compassionate and kind people I've met. You volunteer at community centers, you try to take the non-violent approach during missions, you take time to listen to other people even when they're not listening to you, you constantly try to take care of civilians before worrying about the bad guys, you're a good man, Sam Wilson. And I think the world needs more people like you."

Tears started to fill Sam's eyes, threatening to fall down his face."Steve - "

"I was hoping you as Cap could do something. Show the world that fighting for what's right and caring about the little guy is more important than any stupid law or country. And I know this whole thing is gonna be hard for you because the world is not ready for you - even though they should be by now - but I will be with you every step of the way. Because I believe in you, and so does everyone else on the team and your other loved ones."

The tears started to slowly fall down Sam's face like an elegant waterfall.

"Oh, hon…" Steve whispered.

He got up and hugged Sam in a tight embrace. Steve gently moved his hand in small circles on his fiance's back. He heard sniffles in his left ear.

After calming down, Sam pulled back and looked his lover in the eyes.

"I love you." He whispered.

Steve smiled.

"I love you too." He sealed the deal with a passionate kiss on the lips.

A few weeks later, a small black sedan pulled in front of a huge white and green house in Harlem.

"You ready?" Sam asked, wearing his best Sunday clothes.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Steve responded.

They got out of the car and held ring adorned hands on the way to the door. Sam sighed. Steve rubbed the other's thumb in support.

Sam rang the doorbell. The sound of feet pounding down the stairs greeted them. The door opened and a small, elderly woman appeared.

"Hi, mom!" Sam said.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: "That man and I are joined at the soul." is a canon quote from the comics! Sam was talking about Steve it was sweet. Please leave a comment, kudos, all that jazz. If you like feel free to follow me on tumblr @captainamericasamwilson.


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